Past, Present, Past?

"I wish I could forget it, but it's suffocating every moment of my present and future. And even if it let go of me, I couldn't let go of it. I wish I could."

Have you ever felt like the past is only what you thrive on? For me, I feel like that's my biggest problem. It's not that I'm into weird shit, that I'm bipolar, that I'm chronically FUCKED, none of that is it. My biggest problem is that I can't move on from things. It's strange though, because I move on at first, but too quickly for it to actually be considered "moving on." It's like when you try to cover up and pretend things are just fine. You actually end up convincing yourself that things ARE okay when they are really just so fucked up.
That's how things usually work for me. Something awful happens. And I don't mean awful like failing a test or getting grounded. I mean awful like a parent or a friend dying or having your boyfriend cheat on you and lie to you like nobody's fucking business. Shit like that isn't good. It never is. But I ALWAYS end up "getting over things" much too quickly. I notice that I move on just way to fast from things that I really should spend more time thinking about and processing. The thing is that I just quickly try to move past these kinds of things and just go on with life like nothing happened. I mean, don't get me wrong, moving on and getting past difficult circumstances is really great, but I think moving on is only effective and good for a person's metal state of being if they have ACTUALLY moved on.
On the other hand, there are people like me who just put off having to deal with a stressful situation. But what I've realized is that putting things off just makes it SO much harder to deal with when later on. It's like a cut. It starts to heal but then, maybe a month or two later, you get injured again, right in the same spot, and then it's like it never even healed. It's like it was always open, but it's worse this time around because you thought that the wound had been fixed and that you wouldn't have to worry about it anymore.

It just doesn't work.